i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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