So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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