I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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