too bad you live with your parents still
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
