bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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