She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
