well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
