Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
