neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.