I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy