I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
