so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
