I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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