I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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