I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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