Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
