i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize