Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
