"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
