So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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