Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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