You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
