He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
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I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
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He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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