direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
