Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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