It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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