My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
