Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
