I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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