Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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