Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
