saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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