Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
