Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
