woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize