Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
