can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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