dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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