i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize