He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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