You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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