i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
