yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
