Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We have started to decorate penises.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
