I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
