Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
