i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
