Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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