i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
