I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
