Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
