A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
