she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
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Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
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Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids