Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy