Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night