Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it