the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
