Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
