If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
