I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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