you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
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Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
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Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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