Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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