I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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