I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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