i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
