so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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