Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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