I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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