what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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