I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
