Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
