theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
not ubering you a puppy
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize