bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
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Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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