it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
